Friendships keep me sane. I honestly don't know where or who I would be without the friends I have made along the way. Friendship to me is the gift of living and exchanging with another. Each individual has their own vivid life and reality. When individuals come together their personalities, life experiences, and anything that belongs to them collide. I've decided to call this reaction "friendship soup."
Let’s talk about friendship soup. We all know that every pot of soup you make at home is going to be somewhat different every time. No matter how many times you make that chicken vegetable soup the ingredients, quantity, and taste will always vary. Like every pot of soup every friendship is different. Some friendship soups will be hearty and some might consist of just plain broth. Likewise, there is nothing wrong with having a variety of friendships. It boils down to quality. Wouldn't you rather be surrounded by three bowels of fresh clam chowder then a gallon of watery chicken broth?
My "Clam chowder" friends are those who at a drop of hat would help me out, confide, share, laugh, encourage, and live life to the fullest with me. This is done without jealousy, resentment, manipulation, or ulterior motives. Throughout my life I've also bump into the "watery chicken broth" type of friendship soup. These people sweep in when convenient, butter you up with ingenuine compliments, betray, and run away at a moment’s notice. The only time I would ever drink watery chicken broth is if I was sick. The "watery chicken broth" people thrive off the insecure, desperate, and materialistic.
The "Watery chicken broth" people need to go. This can be either tricky or easy. It could be as simple has politely fading out of their life. This is a process of cutting communication, social ties, and environments that involve them (within reason). Temporarily find other friends, family, and events to invest your time in. Don't give them the benefits they seek from your friendship. Once they are cut off from your materials and "friendship benefits" they themselves will exit and find someone else to feed off of. Most importantly make sure you don't become the "watery chicken broth" friend. I know I struggle with it within reason. I've come up with some hacks on how to make good friendship soup for yourself and others.
1. Make time to see your friends. People who care will integrate you into their life as much as they are capable of investing their time. Time should be set aside to reconnect and do what activities your friendship entails.
2. Learn to listen. People need to be heard. You might have advice or a response, but I would argue the first important step is to just really hear them out.
3. Set boundaries. Knowing someone well consists of being aware of their boundaries. This could involve what activities they are comfortable being a part of, what they are willing to share and talk about, and other such personal boundaries. A good friendship shouldn't involve you crossing any of your own or the other's boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with lying you shouldn't be made to lie for your friend.
4. Avoid turning your friend into a therapist. Sharing and asking for advice can be a part of a friendship, but it can become emotionally taxing on the other person having to hear and deal with your problems. Only share the important things with those who would be the happiest to help you out.
5. Disagree with respect. Don't be rude to your friends and respect them as a person. The benefits of understanding where your friend is coming from and meeting them half way is a great tactic.
So that is a little advice on how to make good friendship soup. Getting cooking!